10 Things I Hate as a Target Employee

*Ahem* Sorry. I mean, 10 things I hate as a Target Team Member. That's a good place to start.

1)   The lingo. Hate probably isn't the right word for this, because it's actually pretty amusing. But calling employees Team Members and customers Guests along with all the other foofy feel-good vocabulary at Target can drive me a little crazy sometimes.


2)   Guests who pick something up, walk a couple of feet, and put it down somewhere else. I can actually understand the motivation behind leaving something halfway across the store. It takes a good bit of time to put it back at that point. But when you're literally three paces from the item's home location, PUT IT BACK. I once had a woman do this while I was standing right there. I was stocking some Planter's peanuts and she walked by and picked up a box. She then looked at it for a second, shook her head, and tucked it between some bags of chips. She didn't even move. I was speechless. Just... how... what...


3)   Guests who leave an empty cart sitting in the middle of the main aisle. I don't mean leaving it there to go grab something. I mean grabbing a cart, browsing the store a little bit, then abandoning your poor cart in the back of the store. I always wonder what happened to the guests that do this. Did they suddenly realize they had to be somewhere urgently with no time to put the cart away? Did they get lost in the clothing racks? Were they abducted by aliens? Where did they go?

Please. Go home.

4)   Sundays. Why all of you people have to do your shopping on the same day is beyond me. Do you enjoy impossibly dense crowds? Do you not want to be able to find what you're looking for because the shelves are picked clean? Seriously! You'd have a much more enjoyable shopping experience any other day of the week!


5)   Flats, carts, and tubs with squeaky or otherwise noisy wheels. I'd like to be able to do my job without drawing too much attention to myself. Unfortunately, just about everything I can push merchandise on has at least one wheel that shrieks louder than the souls of the damned. There's no escaping it.


6)   Those stupid bungee chairs. You know, the apparently super-comfortable ones that would never look good your home. Nobody can figure out how to fold the damn things. They pull it off the shelf, click the legs into place, and sit on it for a bit. Then they realize that the legs lock into place so they don't collapse during use. I know exactly what runs through these guests' heads: "Oh noooo! I've ruined it forever!" Nope, there's actually a little switch right next to the hinge that unlocks it. They've actually gotten even easier to figure out now.


7)   Being a cashier. Er, Check Lane Connoisseur. Or whatever. Gotta be Target Lingo Friendly. There is nothing worse than standing around for 8 hours trying to make idle conversation while scanning item after item. It makes your leg hurt and there's no variety. And no, if it doesn't scan the first time it's not free. Hahahahahaha, never heard that one before!


8)   Holidays. More specifically, the days before and after holidays. It's not really even because of the shopping rush that occurs. It's because we have to put everything remotely related to the holiday on the shelf the day before, even if there's no room. We can't sell it if it's in the back, so we've gotta cram every last bit on the floor in hopes that someone will buy it all. And they never do. It always ends up on clearance for like 99% off the next day. And even then the stuff sticks around forever. I'm still finding St. Patrick's Day things on clearance shelves. It's insane.


9)   Guests who wear red and kakhi. Do you work here? I don't recognize you, but you could be in a different department and/or new. Generally, if you wear the Target uniform to Target, I'm probably not going to ask if you need help. And actually, if you dress like you work at Target outside of working at Target, you kind of need some fashion help.

There's no way you're not
a Team Member...

10)   Ambiguously rude guests. Most Target guests are actually pretty friendly. It's rare that I meet a confrontational guest, but when it happens I'm pretty good at handling it. But when I can't tell if you're mad, I have no idea how to handle you. Here's a conversation that happened today between me and an older guest in a wheelchair-cart-thing:

   Me: Hi, finding everything okay?
   Guest: No. *sourpuss face*
   Me: ... Uh, well, can I help you find something?
   Guest: No. *rolls away in her wheelchair-cart-thing*

What happened there? I don't even know.